Cha-mone, visitor person!Here is where any questions I've received from fans, casual observers or playa hataz will be answered.
If you have a question you don't see answered here, you can use the form at the bottom of this page to submit it or let me know via a message to DJ Shortpants on Twitter or post on DJ Shortpants' Facebook wall.
Q: Where did the funny go? I cannot find the funny. Is it hiding from me? I've looked at every page on this site. ~ Person1, Whereabouts Unknown
A: Hello there, Person1, and thank you for your question! I'm sorry, but you won't find "the funny" anywhere on Cheryl Cole's Moustache. Our goal here at CCM is to enlighten our visitors and help them to heal. If you Google'd "the funny" and were directed to us, please contact Google and let them know their search engine is f'd up. You might want to do that anyway. Shalom, Pee-Wee!
Q: Is DJ Shortpants available for weddings, parties, church socials or other gatherings? ~ Pansy Flanker, Telluride CO, USA
A: Yes! DJ Shortpants is happy to attend any private or public functions that feature complimentary food and drink. (Please note that all expenses must be covered by yourself or your organisation, and you should not expect DJ Shortpants to play any music at your function. He will, however, be happy to pretend to be your friend for the entire duration of the event.)
Q: Is DJ Shortpants' beard real? ~ Todd Remington, Birmingham, England
A: Hello Todd! It's nice to hear from one of our friends in Ol' Blighty! How is the Queen doing? The Beard of DJ Shortpants is much like the beard of Santa Claus (or "Big Daddy Christmas", as he is known in your neck of the woods!). It's as real as the dreams of children, as real as the pixies that cavort in midnight gardens, and as real as the smile on a serial killer's lips. It does smell a bit like Ted Danson's toupée, though. Cheerio!
Q: Why is this blog called "Cheryl Cole's Moustache"? She doesn't have a moustache you c*cksucker! ~ CherylColesNumber1Fan, Poughkeepsie, NY, USA
A: Thanks for your question, CCN1F! You might as well ask "Why is the sky blue?" or "What is your favourite Deepak Chopra quote?"...because I don't know the answer to any of those. Cha-mone!
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