I Wonder Why Nobody Don't Like Me

Hi Kids.

I'm DJ Shortpants. My contest has been roundly ignored by EVERYONE. Don't you realize this is a once-in-a-lifetime chance for you?

I'm not going to cry about it though. I'm not that kind of creature.

Win A Custom Track From DJ Shortpants!

Greetings, Interweb User!

It's me, Marvin Greenwater, here to tell you about an exciting contest we're running at Cheryl Cole's Moustache!

The man himself, DJ Shortpants, has advised me in our semi-weekly management meeting that if I can rustle up at least 100 Twitter followers for him by the end of August 2011, he will create a custom-built musical track for one of them!

 Semi-weekly meeting of the DJ Shortpants Management Team 

(Not pictured: Marvin Greenwater, Seamus O'Shortpants)

But that's not the end of it...oh no, dear denizen of cyberspace. The randomly-selected winner will get to choose the subject matter of the track! You can request a personalised track for your grandma on her 94th birthday, an ode to a loved pet, even a reconstruction of your favourite moment in history...anything goes!

All you have to do to enter is follow @DJShortpants on Twitter. If he has 100 or more followers at the end of August, he'll choose a random person (using a highly technical method of selection) and contact them to let them know they're the lucky winner, plus find out what they want their track to be about.

Don't miss this rare opportunity to tell an artist what to create! It's almost like telling Ronald McDonald you want him to start putting mustard as standard on the Filet-O-Fish...only better!

Cha-mone, indeed!

A Chicken On My Head, Part V

The fans demanded it. The haterz said it couldn't be done. The lifespan of a fruit fly is probably longer than you think.

But here it is, the latest installment in the popular Interweb series A Chicken On My Head by DJ Shortpants.